When trouble happens in life and relationships, we stop enjoying ourselves and begin to suffer. Worry is a stressor that affects our health and our desire to do things. If we wallow in ourselves and become apathetic, sometimes we may hear “good” advice like this – “stop thinking about it, let the situation go and that’s it”…But how do you stop thinking if the problem is hard to solve and you can forget about it while playing at an Avalon78 casino? How do you let go of an unpleasant situation? How do we quickly restore emotional balance when a relationship with a man has ended?
Why We Start to Worry
From the standpoint of psychology, when our expectations don’t coincide with reality, we experience cognitive dissonance, we begin to worry, negative emotions destroy our habitual life.
We have been taught since childhood to have certain expectations of other people and to expect something from them (help, actions, care, attention, etc.). Just as parents expected us to be obedient, to do our homework, to get good grades, etc. And when we got a “C” instead of an “A” we got a scandal, punishment, and negative emotions.
Growing up we start a family and expect from our partner care and action, but not getting it, we start to dig inside ourselves, constantly thinking about the unpleasant situation. If it’s a “small thing,” then it will be quickly resolved and we will continue to live normally, but if it’s betrayal or treason, then it will be impossible not to think about the bad situation.
You can only let go of the situation that worries you if you stop beating yourself up and digging yourself up. If you can shift your attention to other things, then gradually fixate on the problem.
What Kind of Situation to Accept and Let Go of
Unpleasant situations that we scroll through the head and can not let go, can occur in any area – personal, professional, family. No one is immune to the experiences of the past, present and future.
How do you know if this situation is intrusive and you need to let it go, so it doesn’t break your whole familiar world? Here are a few signs by which you can tell:
- You’ve been thinking about solving it for more than a month.
- You spend most of your time looking for a solution.
- Your actions aren’t getting the results you want.
- You can’t physically influence what has happened.
- Thinking about the solution wears you down and affects everything else in your life.
- You feel really sick of constantly looking for a solution.
- You have tried all the methods and no longer see the possibilities.
Learning to let go of a situation is not only when you are solving a problem alone but also when it involves several people. If you cannot influence the situation and the other person. For example, if your partner suffers from alcoholism, you want to cure him, but he himself does not see the problem. If you dwell on solving this situation, you will only affect your own health, not someone else’s.
What’s Stopping Us?
Finding a solution to a difficult problem stops our active life, deprives us of sleep and tranquility, forces us to completely switch our attention and forget about other pressing matters. And if the situation is about a relationship, it’s even harder for us to cut the person out of our lives, to forget and let go, because they are a part of ourselves.
What is the reason for the fact that we dwell on unpleasant moments for months or even years? What prevents us from overcoming the crisis? Experts identify several “slow” factors:
- Emotions and feelings. Both positive and negative emotions act as a kind of doping, we get hooked on them and are afraid to lose them if the situation is resolved.
- Protective mechanisms of the psyche. It’s a feature of our brain, when in a situation of stress, the body “blocks” what has happened to preserve the mind and psyche. Then we deny that anything serious has happened, and we don’t see a significant problem. We pretend that nothing serious happened.
- Cognitive distortions. It’s often women who tend to idealize their partners, when only positive qualities come to the forefront and no attention is paid to the negative.
Letting the situation go doesn’t mean giving up and folding your arms. It isn’t an admission of weakness and helplessness. It’s a temporary respite to regain strength and reduce the importance of the issue. You can’t get too hung up on finding a solution, or it will be constant self-digging.
The stereotype that letting go means giving up, admitting defeat, that is, admitting your own weakness.
One way or another, letting go of the situation is hindered by bias and subjectivity. A person is too immersed in it, it’s all too important to him. Such situations have to do with a person’s values and needs.
Letting go of a situation in life or in a relationship means allowing yourself not to suffer, admitting that you have done everything you could, allowing the situation to resolve itself, since nothing depends on you anymore.